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Script: S1E1 Respect
SCENE 1 “Respect” by Aretha Franklin ♪ What you want, baby, I got it ♪ ♪ What you need, you know I got it ♪ ♪ All I’m asking ♪ ♪ is for a little respect when you come home ♪ ♪ Hey, baby, when you get home! ♪ FRANK and CORKY sit around a table in the main office; JIM is reading an Enquire magazine about an interview featuring MURPHY JIM: 1What a bunch of bull! 2First of all, they didn’t write about the interview she did with the Sandinistas! 3Secondly, she stood Warren Beatty up, he didn’t stand her up! 4And thirdly… What kind of ties are these? 5I thought wide was out! CORKY: 6Y’know, when they asked me to fill in for Murphy, I couldn’t believe it! 7It was kind of like that time when I became Miss America. 8Did I ever tell you about that? and FRANK speak next two lines simultaneously FRANK: 9aOh, yeah, yeah… Exciting story, too! JIM: 9bOh, oh yes. FRANK: 10So, who wants to put a little money down here? 11I say Murphy comes back a changed woman! CORKY: 12It was so incredible when they announced my name… 13"First runner up, Corky Sherwood!" JIM: 14Murphy will never change. 15Once a pain in the butt, always a pain in the butt. FRANK: 16Jim~, we are talking a month at the Betty Ford Center! 17You saw the segment I did on that place, they knock the stuffing outta ya! 18Now c’mon, ten bucks! CORKY: 19But then, I got that phone call. 20Oh~, it’s always very sad when Miss America falls from grace. 21Although when she said she loved animals, no one took her literally! 22Did I ever tell you what she did the night she-''' ''and FRANK speak simultaneously yet again'' '''JIM: 23aOh, yes, unintelligible FRANK: 23bYeah, yeah, what a mind picture, woo~! gets up and paces around the office JIM: 24It’s 9:30. 25At 10 o’clock, Murphy Brown is going to get off that elevator, late as usual. 26She will insult at least 3 people, grab a cup of black coffee and bum a cigarette. 27Then, she will lock herself in her office until she comes up with the perfect piece for next week’s show, as usual. 28You’re on. FRANK: 29Alright~! CORKY: 30Wait, I have to get my checkbook! leaves to get her checkbook SCENE 2 comes off the elevator MURPHY: 1Hi, everybody! 2Great dress, Elyse! 3Hey, Frank, nice piece you did on that prostitution ring! 4Jim! What have you done to your hair? I like it! SECRETARY #1: 5Coffee, Miss Brown? MURPHY: 6No, thank you! enters her office JIM: 7I’m going to miss her… FRANK: 8Me, too… MURPHY OC: 9OKAY! Which one of you turkeys got their greasy fingerprints all over my Emmy? FRANK: 10ALRIGHT! SHE’S BACK! enters main office holding her Emmy MURPHY: 11It was you, wasn’t it, Frank? 12You were fondling it while I was gone. FRANK: 13I couldn’t help myself; it was wearing a dress, it had breasts, we talked, we hit it off… MURPHY: 14You’re very strange… And I actually missed you. FRANK: 15Awww! MURPHY: 16Thanks for sending me the Chippendales calendar! 17Mr. March got me through August. FRANK: 18I am proud of you, Murph, you came out the other side! MURPHY: 19Frank, I haven’t had a drink in over a month. 20I haven’t had a cigarette in 3 weeks, 4 hours and 22 minutes. 21I’ve been pleasant, I’ve been polite… 22Don’t ever tell anybody this, okay? I did aerobics! FRANK: 23No! MURPHY: 24I left every vice I have at that place. 25Except for chewing pencils. 26I can’t live without the taste of a No. 2 soft, Frank. 27I’ve GOT to have it! I wouldn’t let them break me! FRANK: 28It’s ok, Murph. You’ve gotta hold onto something. MURPHY: 29Boy… Being away from this place was like cutting off my oxygen! 30So- how bad did the ratings drop? FRANK: 31Oh, they didn’t. MURPHY: 32No, really. FRANK: 33No, I am- I’m telling you! We killed the competition last week, and believe me, it was heavy! 34There was a Partridge Family reunion special and Emmanuel Lewis in an ALF two-parter! checks his watch FRANK: 35Whoa, whoa, whoa, I gotta go meet my film crew! 36Listen, later on, I’ll buy you a drink- uh, we’ll have some lunch- nice- lunch! SCENE 3 exits the elevator MILES: 1Miss Brown! Hi. 2Just wanted to come up and introduce myself. Miles Silverberg. MURPHY: 3Hello! ''' ''two have an awkwardly long and vigorous handshake led by MILES'' '''MURPHY: 4Did you want an autograph? MILES: 5Autograph?! Hahaha! Autograph, no! 6I’m Miles Silverberg. MURPHY: 7Right! Silverberg, Miles. You said that. MILES: 8The new executive producer of FYI! MURPHY: 9Excuse me? MILES: 10I said, I’m the new executive producer-''' 'MURPHY: 11Wait. They replaced Arvin with you- ''you’re Miles Silverberg? MILES: 12Yes! Yes! Miles Silverberg. 13And let me just say what a big fan I am-''' '''MURPHY: 14Do you know who the Shirelles are? MILES: 15Excuse me? MURPHY: 16The Shirelles? The Ronettes, the Delfonics? MILES: 17It’s only my second day! MURPHY: 18How old are you?! MILES: 19Twenty-five! MURPHY: 20What’s your background? MILES: 21Ah. Master’s degree from Harvard Business School-''' '''MURPHY: 22Working background. MILES: 23Three years in public television, I ran my-''' 'MURPHY: 24It’s getting worse. 25I’m sorry, Mr. Silverberg, if it appears I’m being rude to you. 25It’s just that I can’t help thinking about the fact that while I was getting maced at the Democratic convention in ’68, ''you were wondering if you’d ever meet Adam West! retreats to her office, but MILES follows her like a puppy MILES: 26Hahaha! SCENE 4 enters Murphy’s office and shuts the door MILES: 1Look- I can understand this reaction. I know how much you loved and admired Arvid. 2But the man retired! He did! 3The show needs new blood. MURPHY: 4Are you the same new blood who thought it would be a good idea to have a former Miss America- who won by default, no less- fill in for me? MILES: 5Oh no, definitely not. I’m the one who decided she should join you, Frank and Jim on a permanent basis. MURPHY: 6Are you kidding me?! The woman has NO journalism background. 7Think back- Atlantic City 1982- the talent competition? Corky Sherwood walks out on stage and coordinates a closet? Doesn’t that tell you SOMETHING?! MILES: 8Who knew where she was gonna put those last two dresses? 9Miss Brown, she’s been testing through the roof! You can’t ignore that. MURPHY: 10Oh, yeah? I’ve got news for you. comes in CORKY: 11Hi~, I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but I just wanted to say, Murphy, what a pleasure it is to meet you, and tell you myself, that I will be honored to be sitting beside you every Wednesday night! 12And if I can be even one tenth the journalist you are, I have reached my goal! Because you, Murphy, are the best! MURPHY: 13Gee, thank you very much! That’s very sweet! CORKY: 14Oh! Miles, how do you pronounce this word? MILES: 15“Shiite.” CORKY: 16Phew! That could’ve been real embarrassing! exits MILES: 17Women 18 to 34 are writing to her for hairstyling tips! MURPHY: 18She thinks Camus is a soap! MILES: 19Come on, Miss Brown! All I’m asking is for the chance to impress you! MURPHY: 20It takes a lot to impress me. MILES: 21Okay. How ‘bout this? I have landed you maybe the biggest interview of the year. ''' '''MURPHY: 22Unless you’re talking about Bobby Powell, I’m not impressed. MILES: 23Bingo! MURPHY: 24You’re kidding. MILES: 25Nope! MURPHY: 26Heh, wow! Look here on my datebook, what does that say? MILES: 27“Buy tampons.” MURPHY: 28Above that! “First order of business, land Bobby Powell.” 2960 Minutes, 20/20, the Today Show- they’re all trying to snag this guy! How did you do it?! MILES: 30Well, it wasn’t easy! MURPHY: 31I’m looking at you in a totally new way, Miles. MILES: 32I mean, there are always compromises we have to make along the way. MURPHY: 35Of course! I just finished graduate work in compromise. 36So! What kind of compromise? MILES: 37No big deal! I had to promise Bobby Powell that you wouldn’t ask him “The Question.” MURPHY: 38You promised Bobby Powell I wouldn’t ask him if he had an affair with a married woman who happens to be running for VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?! MILES: 39So what’s your point? MURPHY: 40What are we running here? Do I look like Robin Leach? 41Forget it! I can’t do the interview. 42See, I have this reputation, which I’m very proud of! I’ve never done an interview with my hands tied, and I’m not about to start! MILES: 43I’ll come back after you’ve had a chance to mull this over. 44I think it went well, don’t you? slams door in Miles’ face a knock at the door SECRETARY #1: 45Miss Brown? Hi, I’m Sherry French, your new secretary! MURPHY: 46What happened to my old secretary? SECRETARY #1: 46She left to sell Herbalife! MURPHY: 47Oh… Well, welcome aboard, Sherry. 48Uh, do me a favor, will you? Get rid of these things for me. 49And, bring me some fresh pencils- No. 2 Soft. A lot of them. SECRETARY #1: 50Miss Brown, I couldn’t help overhearing what you and Mr. Silverberg were talking about. I think you made a very big mistake passing on that interview. 51You can’t just categorize things as black or white! Issues facing the media now are often very gray. 52Do you mind if I sit in your chair for a minute? I just want to see what it feels like! SCENE 5 the main office SECRETARY #2: 1Sherry doesn’t work here anymore, uh, this is Robert? 2Well, I-I’m sorry, but Miss Brown is on the phone with the Secretary of State right now, I… 3Who is this?! OH! Uh, yes, yes, uh, hold on, I’ll tell her you’re on. is on her phone in her office MURPHY: 4Oh, come on Mr. Secretary, you’re not backing out on me, are you? Look, we can pre-tape in the morning and I’ll have you on a plane to Helsinki in the afternoon. 5Come on! I’ll do my Ted Koppel impression! 6Uh, excuse me, a very urgent call just came in, I’m going to have to get back to you. Thank you, Mister Secretary. 7Eldin Bernecky? Okay, you were supposed to show up to paint the inside of my house TWO WEEKS ago! 8I left the keys with my neighbor! She said you arrived late, spread out your drop cloth, ordered a pizza, and never came back. 9Now, you may get away with this sort of thing with other people, but I am definitely not other people. …Murphy Brown. I’m on TV! 10Look, be there tomorrow morning ready to paint or I’ll sue your overalls off. 11No, I don’t know Heather Locklear! exits office MURPHY: 12Robert? SECRETARY #2: 13Oh! MURPHY: 14I’m sorry, did I scare you? SECRETARY #2: 15No! MURPHY: 16Could you see if you can get the First Lady for me, please? SECRETARY #2: 17A-ah, o-of the United States? MURPHY: 18That’s right. You can do this, Robert! SECRETARY #2: 19Yes, I know. Just give me a minute. exits elevator MILES: 20Murphy? MURPHY: 21You again! MILES: 22I just spoke with Bobby Powell. He’d really like you to do the interview, but if not, he’s gonna give it to Jane Pauley. MURPHY: 23The Big J? MILES: 24We’re talking about full page ads in newspapers across the country, a guaranteed 40 share. MURPHY: 25Y’know, this may sound awfully old fashioned to someone who would wear a tie like that, but-''' '''MILES: 26It’s new. Do you like it? MURPHY: 27No. 28My dad once told me never to do anything that didn’t feel right. This doesn’t feel right. 29So if you want me to do it, you’ll have to call my dad and clear it with him. MILES: 30What’s your father’s phone number? 31Bobby’s available for lunch today; I think you should meet with him. MURPHY: 32You don’t give up, do you?! MILES: 33Haha! I’ll be back! MURPHY: 34I know. exits CORKY: 35Murphy? I heard you turned that interview down, and I just wanna say, I would’ve done exactly the same thing. MURPHY: 36Hey, Miles?! SCENE 6 ''' ''Phil’s'' '''PATRONS: 1CLOSE THE DOOR! MURPHY: 2Okay, okay! PHIL: 3Murphy! Welcome back! MURPHY: 4Hey, Phil! PHIL: 5Bobby Powell isn’t here yet, but I saved you your favorite table where you gave Ed Meese the Heimlich maneuver! 6What can I get you? MURPHY: 7How about a designer water? PHIL: 8Good for you! One designer water, coming right up! MURPHY: 9How’s Little Phil? PHIL: 10Oh, he’s fine! MURPHY: 11Big Phil? PHIL: 12Just fine! MURPHY: 13Phil Sr.? PHIL: 14Still going strong, knock wood! 15Phyllis says to say hello. door opens PATRONS: 16CLOSE THE DOOR! PHIL: 17There he is! Bobby Powell! Doesn’t look like I thought… Kinda shy looking. MURPHY: 18Yeah, right… Well, this’ll take about 2 seconds. 19Bobby Powell? Murphy Brown. BOBBY: 20Ms. Brown, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Really a pleasure! 21Thanks for agreeing to see me, I know how busy you are. MURPHY: 22Why don’t we have a seat over here? two take a seat BOBBY: 23Nothing, thanks… 24Y’know, Ms. Brown, a lot of people are offering me a lot of money to tell my story. 25Y’know, I don’t know if this’ll make any sense to you, but I’m not interested in the money; I just want the story told straight. 26That’s why I picked you; everybody knows you’re the best. MURPHY: 27…wow, you’re pretty smooth, Mr. Powell. I bet that sheepish grin of yours got you pretty far. BOBBY: 28Pretty far…? Y’know what happened to me this morning? I got let go from my job. MURPHY: 29You did? BOBBY: 30Yeah. Too much bad publicity. 31My friends don’t call me anymore; I can’t walk out into the street without everybody staring at me. MURPHY: 32Mr. Powell, you haven’t experienced pain until the National Enquirer puts your head on Pia Zadora’s body! 33Look, you got yourself involved with Gwen Lansing, who happens to be married with two kids, and may end up running this country one day. 34I think you’ve both got to expect a little publicity! And frankly, Mr. Powell, I think publicity’s exactly what you’re after. BOBBY: 35Y’know, I thought you’d be different? I really did. 36You’ve made up your mind about me already. I didn’t think the press was supposed to do that. MURPHY: 37Did you sleep with Gwen Lansing? BOBBY: 38Do you think America has the right to know everything? MURPHY: 39No. BOBBY: 40Neither do I. 41Y’know, Ms. Brown, there’s another reason why I picked you. You must know what it’s like to have a whole country pass judgement on you. MURPHY: 42I see you’ve been reading your tabloids. BOBBY: 43That’s why I thought you’d understand. 44Look, all I want is a chance to tell my story with some kind of dignity. But it looks like these days, that’s just too much to ask. 45Thanks for your time. exits PHIL: 46So, what’s the story? MURPHY: 47Well, he wasn’t what I expected… PHIL: 48You gonna do the interview? MURPHY: 49I’m gonna do the interview. begin exchanging bet money SCENE 7 MURPHY’s office MURPHY: 1Okay, Mr. Bernecky, this is Murphy Brown again. 2You were supposed to show up to paint the inside of my house this morning? I was there- you weren’t! You blew it! 3Oh, and change the message on this phone machine- nobody likes listening to “Margaritaville” for 5 minutes! exits office MURPHY: 4Robert? SECRETARY #2: 5D’OH! I’m fine… MURPHY: 6Would you return these to the tape library for me, please? SECRETARY #2: 7Oh! I can’t take it… I can’t take the pressure! I’m like one raw, pulsating nerve! 8A-and I feel the veins in my head pressing against the inside of my skull, and- expanding until they’re ready to explode! 9It’s too much! It’s just too much! MURPHY: 10Robert? Maybe you should go back to sports. SECRETARY #2: 11Yes, I think that would be good for me. Now that the Olympics are over… JIM: 12Say, Slugger, how’s it going? MURPHY: 13Great! See the ad in this morning’s paper? JIM: 14Big? MURPHY: 15Right. 16Say, Jim, uh, can I buy you a cup of coffee? There’s something I wanted to ask you. JIM: 17Sure! MURPHY: 18This is kind of hard for me, um… Well… I-I’ll just jump in. 19Have you ever felt really nervous before a big interview? I-I don’t mean like when you were first starting out- that’s expected. 20I mean, have you ever felt… not like yourself? 21Like you went through something that changed you, and, you start to wonder if maybe you’ve lost the thing that made you special and you won’t be able to pull it off and… Everyone will see through you, and you’ll fail in front of millions of people? JIM: 22………No. MURPHY: 23Thanks for the talk, Jim. JIM: 24You bet! SCENE 8 the FYI set SECRETARY #3: 1…the university called to confirm your luncheon date. MURPHY: 2Lecture date! SECRETARY #3: 3Uh… Yes. On the 16th. MURPHY: 4The 15th. SECRETARY #3: 5Uh, yes. A-and then you got a call from a, uh, Mu’ammar, somebody. MURPHY: 6Qadhafi? SECRETARY #3: 7Right! I knew he was Italian! MURPHY: 8Mrs. Caldwell? SECRETARY #3: 9Yes, dear? MURPHY: 10…Never mind! SECRETARY #3: 11Right! group of men in suits walk in BOBBY: 12Hi, I was told to see the executive producer? MILES: 13That’s me, Miles Silverberg. BOBBY: 14''You’re'' Miles Silverberg? MILES: 15I skipped a grade in high school! BOBBY: 16Ah. This is Jerry Weiss and Steve Catherine, my agents, Dan Palmer and Tom Jacobson, my attorneys, and Eric Lee, my publicist. MILES: 17Nice suits! ALL: 18Thanks! MILES: 18Mr. Powell, we’re gonna need you to step over here, please. 19We got about a minute ’til airtime. BOBBY: 20Hello again. MURPHY: 21Hi. BOBBY: 22This is really something! Me and Murphy Brown on live television, primetime! 23How many people do you think’ll be watching tonight? MURPHY: 24A lot! JERRY: 25Feel okay? BOBBY: 26Yeah. JERRY: 27Ok, remember what I told you- don’t divert your eyes too much, it makes you look dishonest. Let the camera pick up your natural charisma. 28Everything goes well tonight, tomorrow we make that major deal with the-''' '''BOBBY: 29Jerry- can we talk about that later? JERRY: 30Oh, sure… 31Hi, I’m a big fan! 32Nice teeth! MILES HEADSET: 33We made a deal with Bobby Powell. MURPHY HEADSET: 34Don’t worry Miles, I’m cool. It’s a new me! STAGEHAND: 35Ten seconds to airtime! BOBBY: 36We’re gonna be great. Forty share guarantee! STAGEHAND: 37Five seconds to airtime! Four, three, two… at the news desk JIM: 38Good evening, and welcome to FYI! 39For your information tonight, Frank Fontana exposes new chemical dumping in the Niagara River, while Corky Sherwood reports on the darker side of liposuction! 40At the top of our show this evening, a special interview- Murphy Brown talks with a very talked-about man, Bobby Powell. 41Until a month ago, no one knew his name. This photograph changed his life, and perhaps the direction of a presidential campaign. 42This evening, Murphy Brown talks with Bobby Powell live. Murphy? pans to MURPHY MURPHY: 43Thanks, Jim. 44Let’s start with the question everyone’s asking. Did you sleep with Gwen Lansing or not? the show, in the hot seat MURPHY: 45I had to ask the question, y’know? It’s in my genes! 46And also, I have very bad PMS… MILES: 47That’s it… Twenty-five and all washed up… MURPHY: 48Wait a minute! This is not the Miles Silverberg I know! 49Y’know, I hate to admit it, but you really pulled one off tonight! 50Frank’s piece was one of the better examples of investigative reporting I’ve seen in a long time- I know it was your idea! 51And let’s face it- you pretty much blew the doors off the fat-sucking business! 52I think you oughta fight for your job, Miles! I’ll help you do it! MILES: 53You’re kidding! Why? MURPHY: 54I dunno! Don’t push it, ok? MILES: 55Who am I trying to kid? I’m way over my head… MURPHY: 56You wanna know something? 57I’ve been in over my head since the day I invited Joel Shaw to my junior prom. He was 35 at the time! 58You can’t always play by the rules, Miles! Taking risks is how I got here! 59Although lately, I’ve been wondering what to do for an encore. MILES: 60And? MURPHY: 61Well, maybe running my own country is unrealistic… 62So, I’ve set new goals. Like, live through this day. 63Keep a plant for more than 2 weeks. 64Get a date on Saturday night! Y’know, I haven’t had a date in over a month, Miles, and you’re starting to look real good! MILES: 65Murphy, the boss/employee thing, I don’t know-''' '''MURPHY: 66I-I was kidding! MILES: 67I knew that. 68Any chance I could buy you a pizza? I’ve got a few ideas for next week’s show! MURPHY: 69You’re on. 70Now, Miles, if we’re going to be working together, you gotta brush up on your Motown. 71Seriously! Those raisins didn’t invent that song. SCENE 9 MURPHY’s townhouse “(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin ARETHA:'' ♪ Lookin’ out on the morning rain ♪'' ♪ I used to feel ♪ ARETHA and MURPHY:'' ♪ so uninspired ♪'' MUPRHY: ''♪ Wa-ooh ♪'' BOTH:'' ♪ And when I knew I had to face another day, ♪'' MUPRHY:'' ♪ WA-OOH ♪'' BOTH:'' ♪ Lawd, it made me feel so tired ♪'' MURPHY:'' ♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum! ♪'' BOTH: ''♪ Before the day I met you, ♪'' ♪ life was so unkind! ♪ ♪ You’re the key to my peace of mind! ♪ ♪ ‘cause you make me feel! ♪ ♪ You make me feel! ♪ walks in BOTH:'' ♪ You make me feel like a natural woman! ♪'' walks out MURPHY: Yes you do, baby! BOTH: ''♪ And when my soul was in the lost and found, ♪'' MURPHY:'' ♪ Wa-ooh! ♪'' BOTH:'' ♪ You came along to claim it ♪'' MURPHY: ''♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum! ♪'' BOTH: ''♪ I didn’t know just what was wrong with me ♪'' ♪ ’til your kiss helped me name it ♪ ♪ Now, I’m no longer doubtful ♪ ♪ of what I’m living for! ♪ ♪ And if I make you happy, I don’t need to do more! ♪ walks back in and starts doing karaoke with a paintbrush BOTH: ''♪ ‘cause you make me feel! You make ♪ '' MURPHY: 1AAAAAH! ELDIN: 2I-I-I’m Eldin! The-the painter! MURPHY: 3You scared the HELL out of me! ELDIN: 4I gotta tell you, you were getting much better at the end! MURPHY: 5What are you doing here? I fired you! ELDIN: 6I just finished your kitchen ceiling! 7Come see if you like it! C’mon! MURPHY OC: 8It’s a mural! ELDIN: 9“Scenes from the Industrial Revolution”! I took a chance!!! MURPHY: 10I like it! ELDIN: 11Then I must continue! 12I was just about to start a cotton gin! MURPHY: 13Hey, wait a minute, it’s after midnight, I got stuff to do. ELDIN: 14Oh, that’s no problem! 15If you could just keep the music down, ‘cause sometimes it’s hard for me to concentrate. 16I hope you don’t plan on moving soon or nothing… Oh, I’m gonna be here a while! climbs the staircase and talks to ELDIN below MURPHY: 17Y’know, 30 million people watched me on television tonight! from the kitchen ELDIN: 18Yeah? I won 10 bucks at lotto! FIN Category:Scripts